One of those commonly known facts about me is that I suffer from “chronic pain”. That is the diagnosis. The doctors don’t know what caused it. They don’t know why I have been in pain since I was 11 or why my joints just dislocate whenever they darn well feel like it. People who have dated me have had to cope with this fact.
A few years back, I had was dating Boston Guy. Boston Guy was a really great boyfriend, over all. But, he had his own baggage and it made it difficult for him to deal with my chronic pain. I tried to hide it as best that I could, but he was very attuned to it… mostly.
The relocation to Boston was more than my body could handle and I wound up dislocating my pelvis. It was exceptionally painful and left me walking with a cane when I could walk at all. Luckily, I found a spectacular chiropractor who was able to fix me, but I remained sore. In fact, now – several years later – I still deal with the soreness, mostly in my right hip.
This makes sleeping on my right side incredibly painful. Boston Guy and I liked to snuggle before we went to sleep. But, he always wanted me on my right side. Some nights I would tell him I was in pain… most I just wanted to snuggle so I made this allowance for him.
In hindsight, I wish I made him make this allowance for me. It’s one that I’m pretty certain that he would have made had he been aware of how much pain I was in.
Adjustments have to be made by both sides in any relationship. If something is hurting you, physically or otherwise, it’s your responsibility to make certain that your partner knows. Otherwise, they can’t be blamed for any ignorance to your needs. Now, if they know and can’t make the adjustment or won’t make the adjustments… now that’s a different story.