Unrequited Love is Not Romantic

Potterheads tend to look at the love between Snape and LIly as the ultimate romance.  The idea that he loved her even after she married James and died, that he loved her enough to watch out for her son at all costs, that the love continued until the moment he died after a lifetime of pain to keep himself true to her seems to make them think that this is the ultimate proof of love.

No!

This is love gone to a horribly dark place.  What was once love turned into an obsession, which coated the love like wax and altered the rest of Snape’s life.  But, what he was really in love with was a memory.

This happens in the real world too.  Sometimes, the person you love does not love you back.  Or, loves you back differently. 

Saying that you will “wait as long as it takes” is not the way to start a relationship.  It’s creepy and pushy.  Now, if you’re going to “wait as long as it takes” for the person to be ready to marry, that’s different.  You’re waiting for something you know you want, not some ideal fantasy of the way things could be.

In my early 20s, I was just out of long relationship.  I wasn’t interested in dating again, but a friend of mine was interested in dating me.  We talked a bit and I had turned him down several times.  But, he got pushy.  He wanted to date me and told me he would “wait as long as it takes”.

I felt bad.  I didn’t want this guy putting his life on hold for me.  That wasn’t fair to either of us.  It wasn’t fair for him to wait forever for me to make up my mind.  It wasn’t fair for him to put the unnecessary pressure on me to know that there was someone waiting – likely for a long time. In the end, I told him no in such a way that we stopped speaking for over a decade.

Maybe not the best solution, but it was the only way I could take my life back into my hands.

If someone is “Just Not That Into You“, it’s okay. But, its better – and healthier – for both of you if you listen to the person and heal from the wound right away, rather than waiting for months – or years – for the person to maybe come around.  Remember, people change, the person you think you’re interested in may not be the same person you get if you finally do get them.

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