The next few posts will be about a not-so-new trend that I am re-engaging in after several years off: Online dating.
While I am a huge proponent of meeting someone through friends, hanging out, and then deciding, “Hey! I really like this person,” it’s not always practical. In my case, most of my friends – and their friends – are already coupled or otherwise significant other’ed. In fact, in my crowd I am know as “perpetually single”. This is my title and I wear it proudly. As stated before, I don’t mind being single. But sometimes – generally in the spring and fall – something in my biological clock ticks funny and I start wishing I had a significant other. At these times, I have found that online dating holds something that the bar scene does not – viable people.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t only tried the ‘bar scene’. In fact, I have not tried the bar scene since 2003. I’ve also tried: libraries, museums, the symphony, tourist traps, diners, and various other locations. Know what I’ve found? People can’t figure out why the heck you’re speaking to them, and their spouse is generally not pleased either.
Over the past decade (or so) I have tried several dating sites, many of which I’ll discuss in future posts. Generally, they do not work for me. My life focus is not marriage/children – therefore the majority of the people on the sites are not a viable option. Dealing with the other 25% there are many questions that come to mind. Chiefly, why are they still single? If the answer is career/school/achieving their goals – good. But that’s only a fraction of what’s left. And then there is me – can they deal with my complicated but consistent state of being? Would they be willing to move to another state – or wait while I do (for several years)? Are they open to moving to another country when I finally achieve my degrees? If not, I press on.
But, this isn’t about my ability – or lack thereof – to find respectable, viable people to date. Rather it’s about my experiences trying. Because, despite my “perpetually single” status, dating is an exercise in sociologic contact if nothing else.
Before we begin, please read Dr. Alex Benzer’s article: Why the Smartest People Have the Toughest Time Dating. The last question – which he poses a multiple choice answer… I would choose B (and a half). I may not move to nowheresville Oregon, but I’d be willing to have that person join me in Ireland or England. Or, then again, perhaps I’ll simply stay single. That’s good too.