“A man’s greatest fear from a woman is that she will laugh at him; a woman’s fear is that a man will kill her.”
— Margaret Drabble
Recently, I was on a date with a man who we’ll just call ‘Not Ready Man’ (NRM). NRM is recently out of a marriage that took the majority of the last decade of his life and is single for the first time since the late 90’s.
We had an awesome first date, closing out the restaurant that we had dinner in and the Starbucks where we got dessert. The second date was at a comedy club, where the opening act was talking about dating (as a female) in our local city. She mentioned that her standards have gotten so low that she only had 3 requirements. “I don’t want to get stood up. I don’t want to get stuck with the check. And, I don’t want to be stuffed in a freezer at the end of the night.”
I laughed with the other women and nodded. (Those are my 3 quals as well.) She looked at me and was like, “Normal stuff right?” I nodded still laughing.
Why was it funny? Well it wasn’t – but it was nice to know that my embarrassment was shared by others. Not only are we single in our 30s, but that dream of finding a nice man who will treat us like gold has been pulverized by a reality of jerks who have made us raise mental and emotional shields in order to protect ourselves. That nice guy has a lot to get through in order to make us believe that #3 isn’t going to happen at the end of date 7 (or 10, or 13… especially 13).
My date was perplexed and later asked why I laughed at her ‘shock joke’.
I responded, “What shock joke? Those really are the basic qualifications.”
He looked at me and got a little haughty. “I guess I have higher qualifications,” he said. “I want a good looking girl, who is witty, that I can have a good conversation with.”
“You’re also male. You have the luxury of wanting those things as a baseline.”
The conversation continued (and for the record, I could take him without a problem), but he remained confused that women really think about this – all the time. As a matter of life.